I thought I had it all under control.
Do you know what I mean? Have you felt like you’ve had everything worked out, only to find out, you didn’t.
In this post we’ll discuss:
- My Fear of Failure
- Establishing a New Self Identity
My Fear of Failure
I had been creating this reality for months. I separated from my employer in December with a package I was happy with, something that could help me while I transitioned from working full time in bio-pharmaceuticals, into being a full time entrepreneur.
I thought it would be easy. I had been thinking, dreaming, and wanting this for so long, why did it feel so hard?
I was frustrated, stuck, and I wanted to give up.
So when my coach called me out in our power group, “Lena, for a woman in flow, you are so out of flow.” every fear and worry I was hiding under the surface came up, my throat closed, and I started to sob.
I let it all out. My fear of failure, my negative belief around being curious. “If I’m curious, I won’t look like an expert. And if I’m not an “expert”, women won’t want to work with me.”
It was pretty awful, crying in front of 4 people on a video being recorded.
And it was exactly what I needed. I had been (mostly) ignoring these feelings, hoping they’d just go away.
But ignoring them wasn’t doing me, or my business any good. I felt bad most days, and I was inadvertently pushing people, and potential clients away.
Establishing a New Self Identity
One major thing I failed to allow myself was the space to transition. It had been only 2 months since leaving my employer, and I was expecting a lot of myself in that small amount of time.
I neglected to take into consideration that I was in a major life overhaul. I had literally divorced myself from a 16 year “marriage” in my career, and in that time, I had identified with myself in a certain way.
I am establishing a new self identity, and of course my S*%& is going to come up. It’s coming up so I can BE what I have set out to BE.
If you are going through, or have gone through some major life changes recently, I want you to know I bow to you.
I know the courage it takes to decide to do something differently, and I know the pain that comes with losing a part of yourself in something – no matter how big or small it may seem to someone else – it’s a BIG DEAL for you.
And I get that.
If I can share what I have learned so far in this transition, it would be:
Give yourself a break! Be compassionate with yourself during the change.
Just like when you try to push through in PMS or menstruation, and you’re met with resistance, so is the energy of the world.
If you push, the Universe pushes back.
When you rest in the flow, she flows with you.
Do you relate? Tell me about a time you felt totally out of control and what happened.
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